I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
