his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
