my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
