On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
worst night to have a conscience
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
