I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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