They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
