that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
