I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
