god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
