super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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