O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
