I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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