your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
