i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
