Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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