Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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