Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize