I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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