There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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