btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
