That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
