I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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