had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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