i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
