Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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