I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
