I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
