did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
