Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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