ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The power of my boobs compel you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
