I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
