You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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