I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
