"it" just moved
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
