Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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