my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize