the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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