I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
