You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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