Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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