Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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