worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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