I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
