She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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