if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
