The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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