Four minutes until I can fart!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
