Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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