well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
