I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
