Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
