so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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