ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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