don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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