i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
