So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
