Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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