I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize