I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
