I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
