Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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