omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
