you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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