I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
