So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So vagazzling was a success
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
