This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
