She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
