So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
